"The Walker". An Exercise in What Went Wrong.

Sometimes you write a story and it just misses the mark. This is one of my recent stories that got away from me. There are elements in it that I really like but the vision I had didn't make it to the page. I submit a lot of stories for publication, and with that comes rejection. I don't mind rejection because it's part of the process, but I always appreciate when an editor gives me notes on what they did or didn't like in a given story. I know that editors are busy people and just taking that extra time out of their day to give me a little feedback is so appreciated.

So here's "The Walker". Tell me what you think. I look forward to reading your notes.

THE WALKER

Lilith DeFonte felt guilty about the way she made her living. Whenever someone passed away in the Sunny Vale retirement community, she made a commission by reselling their unit to the next retiree. Her income increased with each new demise, and though it was a morbid business, everybody dies and everyone needs a place to live right up until the moment they don't.

Lilith first spotted the walker on the third floor of the Edvard Munch wing (all the wings in the Sunny Vale community were named after famous artists). Many of her Sunny Vale residents roamed the hallways for exercise, so it wasn’t odd to see an old woman speed-walking down the hall, but this woman was decidedly different. First off, Lilith had never seen her before, and that was strange as Lilith knew all her residents, and then there was the way she was dressed. The walker wore a yellow tracksuit with a black stripe down each leg like The Bride in Quentin Tarantino’s “Kill Bill” films. The woman’s blue-tinted hair was teased out big but then pinched in tight by a green visor, the kind blackjack dealers wear in the movies. In her left hand she held a yellow Walkman cassette player not seen since the 1980s.

Lilith ventured up to the third floor to check on one of her favourite residents, Mrs Halcombe, Unit 134. The old woman had looked tired peaked at morning tea so Lilith thought she would do a quick check-up. She liked to visit her residents when she could, and she especially liked to chat with Mrs Halcombe who was a sweet lady with a wicked sense of humour.

The yellow-suited walker was at the opposite end of the hall from Lilith but was quickly making her way down the corridor. When the walker reached Mrs Halcombe’s unit, she stopped for a moment and looked up as if considering the weather, then started up again on her breezy jaunt down the hallway. It was odd behaviour but then the elderly are prone to fits and starts so Lilith paid it little mind. As the walker drew near, Lilith put on her most ‘happy to see you’ smile, but it all turned pear-shaped when the two came abreast and locked eyes. Lilith heard Olivia Newton John's “Physical” escaping from the elderly woman’s earbuds but it was the woman’s face that really shook her.

“Checkout in Unit 134. Her loss is your gain, sweetie.”

Lilith was as confused by the walker’s words as by her shocking appearance. During her years working at Sunny Vale, she had spent time with many elderly women, some of whom were over 100 years old, and yet she had never seen a face so drawn up and desiccated.

The walker turned from Lilith and darted down the hallway, her spindly arms swaying at her sides in time to the music. Lilith felt suddenly dizzy but then remembered poor Mrs Halcombe and gathered her strength enough to stumble down the hall toward Unit 134. When she arrived, the door was wide open and she saw Mrs Halcombe laying sprawled out on the floor inside. Lilith immediately pulled out her phone and hit the emergency speed dial number for medical assistance. Somewhere down the hall she thought she heard that Olivia Newton John song again, Physical Physical, but the hall was empty and the strange little woman was gone.

It was a weird and awful way to start the day. Mrs Halcombe had indeed passed away on the floor of her apartment - poor woman -  but Lilith couldn’t stop thinking about the freak in the yellow track suit. Did she know Mrs Halcombe was dead? Is that why she stopped at her door? Surely she must have seen Mrs Halcombe lying on the floor! And what about that flippant remark, ‘checkout in Unit 134’? Who says that kind of horrible thing?

The desk phone rang and Lilith nearly jumped out of her skin.

“Her loss is your gain, sweetie.”

‘It's not my gain, it’s just my job,' thought Lilith, 'I’m not some bloody vulture sitting on a fence post waiting for people to die.’.

The phone rang a second time causing Lilith to snatch the handset off its cradle.

“Good Morning. This is Lilith DeFonte at Sunny Vale Community Living. How can I help you, today?”

“G’day, Lilith. It’s Ray over here at Ray’s Automotive. We got your Mazda all sorted out. You can pick it up anytime before 2:30, but after that, you won’t be able to get it until Monday. Closing early today to attend a family funeral this weekend.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Ray. My condolences.”

“No worries. Wife’s family. Some old uncle that almost made it to his letter from the King. 98 years old and still tending his garden. Died in it, or so I’m told.”

“Oh dear, I guess he went doing what he loved.”

“I suppose he did, but I’d rather go out with a cool drink in my hand than slumped over a row of turnips. Anyways, your car is ready whenever you want to come by and pick it up.”

“Give my sympathies to your lovely family, Ray, and I’ll catch a bus over after lunch. That should be perfect timing to grab the car then dash over to fetch my wee lad from school.”

“I’ll see you soon then. What’s that boy of yours now, six or seven?”

“Jamie is 8 years old and in Year 5 at Hudson Primary. Can you believe it?”

“I certainly can. My youngest, Julie, went to Hudson too. She’s just finished Uni now and is off to bloody Melbourne. I’ll see her once in a blue moon if I’m lucky. Life’s a race to the finish line, but I tell you, I'd rather walk than run.”

Ray’s words took Lilith straight back to her own walker in the yellow track suit. The finish line couldn’t be too far off for that old woman. Lilith immediately dismissed that ugly thought from her head - you shouldn’t wish death on anyone no matter how strange they are.

The first sprinklings of rain had started to fall as Lilith headed out to catch the #3 bus that would take her across town to Ray’s Automotive. She had meant to bring her umbrella with but had left it in the office. She just couldn’t stop thinking about that walker woman! Even now she could see those black eyes staring at her and hear that silly Olivia Newtown John song urging her to get physical, physical and let her body talk. It was as bizarre as it was ridiculous. And then there was poor Mrs Halcombe, who should have been occupying her thoughts instead of that creepy old-

SCREEEEECH!

Lilith jolted awake to the squeal of tires locking up just centimetres away from her. The driver of the vehicle stuck his head out of the window and yelled, “You're crossing against the red! Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

Lilith looked around and saw that she had indeed stepped off of the curb and right into oncoming traffic. She nodded a sheepish ‘please forgive me’ and hurried across the intersection to the safety of the opposite sidewalk. Good God, she could have been killed! She need to forget about that walker and concentrate on matters at hand. Catch the bus, get to Ray’s, then go and pick up Jamie.

And as she was thinking all this, the number 3 bus zoomed right past her.

Oh no! She was going to miss it and then Ray’s would be closed. Lilith tried to pick up her pace but was scared of running in heels on the wet sidewalk. The last thing she needed right now was to trip and twist an ankle. She started waving frantically at the crowd queued up for the bus hoping to catch someone's eye.

“Hold the bus! I’m coming! Please wait!”

And that’s when she saw her. Just beyond the bus stop was the woman in the yellow track suit with green visor. But she couldn’t worry about the walker now - she had to catch the bus!

Lilith was just metres away as the last person was preparing to climb aboard, but before stepping up, they turned and looked at her. It was Mrs Halcombe from Unit 134 whose lifeless body was sitting in the Medical Centre awaiting transportation to the Blessed Days Funeral Home. Lilith froze as the dead woman turned from her and climbed onto the bus.

“That one’s not for you, sweetie,” said a familiar voice off to her left. “That bus is too darn slow for where you need to go.”

The door closed and the bus began to pull away. Through the window, Lilith saw Mrs Halcombe take a set in the front roy. Behind her was Mr Jennings who had passed away last week. Then there was Mr Flemings who died two months ago, and then lovely Mrs Walcott who expired in her sleep sometime last year. As each window passed by, Lilith saw another of her former residents sitting stock still in their seats.

Someone poked her hard in the shoulder and Lilith almost jumped out of her skin.

“Listen up, sweetie, you better get a wriggle on. School’s out soon, if you know the tune, and I think you do.”

Lilith jerked her head around to the drifting sound of rock music and a body brushing past her. She remembered an old Alice Cooper song from back when she was Jamie's age. The walker was speeding down the block now but Lilith heard her parting words as if she was standing next to her, “Don’t be late, sweetie or it’s school’s out forever!” The old woman disappeared leaving Lilith standing in the rain and thinking of Jamie taking a seat right next to Mrs Halcombe.

There was no time to stop at Ray’s and get her car. She might be going insane but she believed the walker. Didn’t she just see all those dead residents on the bus? She did! And furthermore, she’d never hallucinated anything in her life! Whatever was going on - be it the supernatural or a mental breakdown - it was real. Lilith grabbed her phone and called for an Uber. Two minutes later she was racing toward Hudson Primary.

The Uber dropped her off just in time to see a man in a long black coat entering the school. The way he shoved open the entrance doors hit Lilith like a hammer. It reminded her of something. Something from the movies… where the saloon doors swing back and forth. He entered the school like a gunslinger!

The walker’s songs began to mash-up inside her head as she ran toward the entrance.

You wanna get physical, physical… before school's out completely!

Lilith was almost to the door when her left heel snapped off. She ripped off her shoes and tossed them away then hurried inside.

Classes were in session and the halls were empty except for the man in black who was 20 metres ahead of her. She was about to shout something at him when he pulled something from beneath his duster. Was that a gun? The man turned off the main corridor headed toward the South wing and Jamie’s Year 5 classroom.

Did he really pull out a gun? Surely not. That’s something they do in America - not here in New Zealand!

The song came roaring back into her head.

You better get physical, physical, you better get phys-i-cal!

Lilith ran down the hallway and turned left just in time to see the man in black take the next corner. He was heading toward Jamie's classroom! She had no idea what she was going to do but she had to stop him.

School’s out for the summer! School’s out for the fall!

Maybe Jamie won’t be coming back at all!

She heard two loud POPS as she ran into the South wing. The man in black had his back to her. In front of him was a woman on the floor trying to crawl away. It looked like Jamie’s physical education teacher, young Miss Collins.

She’s not very physical, physical! She’s not very phys-i-caaal at all!

‘SHUT UP!’ Lilith shouted across her mind.

Miss Collins stretched out an arm as if reaching for help, and in response, the man in black walked up to her and went POP POP POP. Her body convulsed as each new bullet tore into it, and then she didn’t move at all.

There was nothing to do now but launch herself at him. Her entire being screamed, ‘That man will go into Jamie’s classroom and he will murder them all.’

And then school’s out…. com-plete-ly!

Lilith ran as hard as she could at the man. In a few seconds, he would hear her footfalls and then turn and POP POP POP she would be another dead woman lying on the floor. But she had to try.

The man in black looked up from Mis Collins but not toward Lilith. Further down the hallway, someone else had turned the corner and was walking toward him. The man raised his gun and let off three quick rounds. POP POP POP. But the person kept coming, her arms swaying at her sides, her yellow tape deck grasped firmly in her left hand. He pulled the trigger again and held it. POP POP POP POP POP Click Click. The man reached into his duster for a fresh magazine just as Lilith slammed into his back.

If it wasn’t for Miss Collins sprawled out in front of him, Lilith would never have knocked him off his feet. But the body of the dead teacher sent him flying to the marble floor with Lilith riding down on top of him.

The man's head hit the floor with a loud CRACK. Lilith gathered handfuls of his hair into her clawing fingers, and before the dazed man could react, she raised his head and slammed it against the floor again. He tried to wriggle free but his movements were slow and clumsy. His hand crept down his side, perhaps looking for another weapon, but Lilith countered this by raising his head again and slamming it down as hard as she could. Fury and adrenaline took over as she drove the man’s head up and down until the crack of bone went soft and thick.

Lilith broke into sobs as she straddled the dead man’s back, her fingers intertwined with fistfulls of his ripped out hair. Somewhere above, she heard the distant sound of music. The walker was staring down at her through those bottomless eyes. Beneath the tint of her green visor, the old woman’s face was stretched so tightly that Lilith feared it might tear away leaving nothing but a skull and those black cavernous eyes.

She recognised the music as something her mother used to sing - that dark skies were giving way to a bright sunshiny day. Lilith stared at the freakish face above and wondered if she had completely lost her mind.

“Can you see clearly now, sweetie? Don’t worry, as the old song says, it’s going to be a bright sunshiny day!”

A neon pink smile spread across gumless teeth and razor-sharp lips. The old woman turned and began walking away, her quick little steps in time to the music. Lilith closed her eyes and listened as the song and footsteps faded. She would see that face again for death was everywhere. At Jamie’s school. At Sunny Vale. At Ray’s family funeral, and at busy intersections, and in places where the old songs play forever. Life may be a race to the finish line but death walks to its own tune.

© 2024, Anthony Roberts.